Beer
by Iron-Mantis
Summary: Based off the blackadder ep of the same name. With the promise of a large donation in mind, Drake attempts to impress Gozermon old supporters, while simultaneously attempting to win a drinking competition against shade.
1. Chapter 1

It was breakfast time at shadow palace. Drake Melodonna and Johan were enjoying their (well you can already guess).

"I must say Drake, it was nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast before the hardship of the day begin," Johan said cheerfully.

"It is said, Johan, that civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company so that through learned discourse he may rise above the weak and closer to Rasets terms of power," Drake said.

"Yes, I'd heard that," Johan replied delighted.

"Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickweed to remind me I'm best," Drake sneered.

Johan was so hurt, that he stood up and rushed out of the room crying. Drake started to sort out his mail, acting like nothing happened.

"Well, the devil pats me on the head and says, 'Good boy, Drake'," the darkside said with a menacing smile on his face.

"Drake?" Meladonna asked.

"Gozermon old supporter, Lord and Lady Beauzoymon, the two most fanatical Digimon in Digital world, have invited themselves to dinner here, tonight," Drake said beaming.

"But, aren't they they total jerks?" Meladonna remarked.

"Yes but they have one great redeeming feature: their wallets; more capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on. At least until now, for tonight, they wish to 'discuss Transferring money to my cause", Drake said before the both of them roared with laughter.

"Omaddon come in here, I have some orders for you" Drake said

At that moment, Omaddon entered wearing a weird contraption on his head with a piece of cheese hanging from his nose on a string. "You bellowed"

"Yes i-" Drake noticed whats on Omaddon face. "Why have you got a piece of cheese tied to the end of your nose?" Drake asked with an arched eyebrow.

"To catch mice boss, I lie on the floor with my mouth open and hope they scurry in," Omaddon replied.

"And do they?" Drake asked suspiciously.

"Erm… not yet," Omaddon replied.

"I'm not surprised. Your breath comes straight from a toilet, Omaddon. The only sort of mouse you're going to catch is one without a nose," Drake sneered.

"That's a pity because the nose is the best bit on a mouse," Omaddon said, slightly disappointed.

"Any bit of a mouse will seem like a luxury compared to what Meladonna and I must eat tonight. We're entertaining Death Eating vegetable folk, Omaddon, and that means, no meat," Drake said.

"In that case, I shall prepare my turnip surprise," Omaddon said.

"And the surprise is?" Drake asked suspiciously.

"There's nothing else in it except the turnip," Omaddon replied.

"So another word for turnip surprise would be … a turnip," Drake retorted.

Omaddon scrunched his face and said "Oh yeah."

All of a sudden, something or someone knocked on the door.

"Get the door, Omaddon," Drake ordered.

Omaddon bowed and left the room to obey his master.

"Well, Drakey, if things go as planned tonight, it would seem congratulations are in order," Meladonna said as she reached out her hand to shake Drake's.

"Nice try my dear, but forget it: you're not getting a cent," Drake said as he sat down on his chair by the door, eating his breakfest.

A loud crash roared through the Castle and Omaddon entered, carrying the door.

"Omaddon, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give phenomenally good" Drake said with a hint of warning in his voice.

"You said 'Get the door.' Omaddon explained.

"Not good enough. You're fired," Drake said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"But Master, I've been a loyal soldier for…" Omaddon try to figure out how long he worked for Drake and just said "a long time."

"And that's why I'm so sick of looking at you. Now get out," Drake hissed.

"Very well, Drake. Oh, by the way, Shade henchmen aka the Reds were outside when I got the door." Omaddon

"Really and what do those morons want." Drake asked

"Say they wants to see you. Shade is very sick, and they are willing to pay you to help him" Omaddon said before he made his way out off the room.

"Really?" Drake grinned.

"Yep. He's at death's door," Omaddon said.

"Well, my faithful old reinstated Friend and servant, I shall go," Drake said happy.

"You mean your actually going help Shade?" Meladonna asked surprised.

"Hell no, I shall mock him for dying a pathetic death and then piss on his corpse." Drake said.

---

He then stood up, put up his coat and stormed out of his palace.

Shade lay in his bed. He looked very pale and was groaning. Sister sat by his side looking worry (Though how you can tell with that helmet on is a mystery). When Drake entered, The Reds lead him to the bed.

"Well, Darkside since we brought you here go ahead and Do something" Sarge snarled pointing his gun

"Yes, of course; some sort of Party. But let's wait till he's actually snuffed it, shall we?" Drake sneered.

"Oh I love party, will there be any cake?" Donut said but got thwacked by Sarge. Simmon turned to Sister "Sister will you please tell the Darkside who we have a shaky truce with what happen."

"Well It all started last night at about two o'clock. I was tucked into bed, having this absolutely bizarre dream about Johan, when I was woken by a terrific banging from Shade," Sister explained. Making Drake and the Red going Yuck.

"Thank you for that bad image that will never go away sister." Sarge growled sarcastically

"I know its weird but true. He was banging on the gates and falling over and singing a strange song bout ripping Drake eyes out and then force Drake to eat them, no offense" Sister said to Drake.

"None taken" Drake then crossed to Shade's bed. Shade was still groaning.

"Well, you moronic twits, I think I know what's wrong with your boss, and unfortunately, it's not fatal," Drake remarked.

"Well, hurry up and cure the horrible man. I'm fed up with him lying there moaning and groaning," Sister hissed.

"Sheesh, your sister missed one night of sex and she go's mean as hell" Donuts said to grif

"The truth is, Shade just can't take his alcohol," Drake smirked.

"See I told you idiots that Shade was suffering from a measly Hangover." Sarge said.

"Is that why you were acting like a scare little girl, when you saw Shade supposed sickness." Grif sneered but screams in pain and fall down as Sarge response to that remark was to pull out a pistol and shot Grif in the leg three times

Shade rose up, and drake had to dodge shade hands trying to strangle him.

"Shut up you bastard! I may be a little weak this morning but what I drank last night would have floored a Behemoth," Shade sneered.

"If it was allergic to lemonade," Drake said.

"It's Drake here who can't take his ale. He's famous for it. I'm sure we all remember the shame he brought to all darkside when Drake was found wandering naked in the Bronx singing a song about goblins," Shade said.

"What did you have last night then? A whole half-pint of apple-juice?" Drake mocked ignoring the insult.

"On the contrary, I had 10 flagons of fire-whisky and 2 glasses of brandy," Shade said.

"Ha- kids stuff! For me and my comrades, every night is drinky night. You want to come round sometime, Come to my palace or are you afraid to die after drinking measly Tequila!' Drake said, challenging Shade.

"Tonight!" Donut roared enthusiastically.

"Tonight?" Shade asked still so hung over.

"Yeah, come on Shadie, what are you scared of?" Drake said.

"I hate to say it boss but if you don't you'll look more pathetic than Grif," Sarge said.

"Yeah you would look more- HEY!" Grif said from his spot on the floor

"Oh all right then, tonight. I'll be there," Shade said as he sank back down on his bed.

"Hurray, and the last one under the table gets 10,000 dollars from the loser," Donut cheered, with Sarge saying "Finally you say something that makes me think this interesting."

"Ten thousand… Right." Drake said shock but gains back his composure. "I'll get the whisky in then." Drake said.

He took his coat, and stuck out his tongue at Shade and swept out of the room. The Reds began to leave the room but Sister grabbed Donut and dragged him to a different room.

"Donut, do you know what I'm going to do?" Sister asked him.

"Your going to go along and find out exactly what happens on those drinking contests at Drake place," Donut said.

"No, I'm going to do that AND I'll wear a cloak with a cowl so no one will recognize me," Sister said excited.

"Well I was still half-right and I gotta say that sorta a smart plan coming from you." Donut said.

end of part one


	2. Chapter 2

Johan sat at the table, thinking with a quill in his hand, a piece of parchment lying on the table in front of him. Drake was pacing the room.

"Right. Now the sort of person we're looking for is an aggressive drunken lout with the intelligence of a four-year-old and the sexual sophistication of a donkey," Drake said.

"Peter Griffin," Johan said as he wrote down the name on the parchment.

At that moment, Omaddon entered. This time he had a mouse tied to his nose. This made both Drake and Johan to look at him weirdly.

"Omaddon," Drake sighed.

"Boss," Omaddon replied dully.

"Why?" Drake said looking hard at him as he arched an eyebrow.

"I got fed up with an all-mouse diet, Drake. I thought I'd try a cat for variety," Omaddon explained.

"Good, well done. And now, returning to the real world, do you have a knife?" Drake asked.

"Yeah," Omaddon replied.

"Good because I wish to quickly send off some party invitations and to make them look particularly tough, I wish to write them in blood… Your blood, to be precise," Drake said.

Omaddon took a knife from his boot.

"How much blood will you actually be requiring, Master?" Omaddon asked, his voice quivering lightly.

"Oh, nothing much, just a small puddle," Drake said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Will you be wanting me to cut anything off; an arm, or a leg, for instance?" Omaddon asked running his thumb over the blade.

"Nah, a little prick should do," Drake said as he returned his attention to the guest-list.

"Very well, Master. I am your servant and must obey," Omaddon said.

He scrunched his eyes and shoved the knife in his pants. Drake turned around and saw Omaddon just about to perform the cruelest cut of all.

"Oh for god's sake, Omaddon! I meant a little prick on the finger," Drake yelled making Omaddon stop and look at his hand weirdly.

"I haven't got one there!" Omaddon said studying his own hand.

"Oh, forget it, forget it," Drake sighed.

"Thank you, Master," Omaddon said on the verge of tears.

He left the room, relieved and still in one piece.

"Right. Now Johan, how's the list going?" Drake asked.

"Very well indeed, I thought we could invite Ino," Johan said.

"Sorry, no chicks. Who else?" Drake asked.

"That's about as far as I'd got, actually," Johan said.

"Right, I'll dictate. First Ner (1). "

"Oh not that Idiotic elite and friends with a spartan zombie Ner" Johan said

"Second, Grimmjaw"

"You want that battle-lusting idiot Arrancarr here" Johan said.

"And thirdly, Oldkid," Drake said

"Why him?" Johan ask curiously

"Because i heard he usually arrives for a party at half-drunken haze anyway, and that's shall be my guest"

"Oh, and don't forget that Lord and Lady Beauzoymon, who will be coming anyway," Johan informed Drake.

A shock of horror spread across Drake's face when he realized the dreadful contradiction the evening ahead held.

"Oh yes…"

End part 2 btw for those of you who don't know, Ner is from the series Halo Machinima Marooned. I suggest you watch it, its pretty funny.


	3. Chapter 3

Drake was trying to pass, Donut and Grif to enter Shade base

"Well Well, are you here to call your bet against our boss off dork" Grif said.

"Quite the wrong impression you retarded reject of a Spartan, I just want to make it another night. That's all," Drake pleaded.

"Certainly not," Donut suddenly interrupted.

"I beg your pardon," Grif said which go the other two look at him weirdly "Hey I can use words just as good as Simmons, I'm just to lazy to do it."

"Well, it's just one excuse after another isn't it? Next thing he'll be trying to get out of polishing his shoes," donut explained.

"He isn't talking about Shoes, Donut," Grif hissed.

"Well, he should be. How else is he going to keep it clean? Soon he'll be saying he doesn't do his laundry," Donut said furiously.

"I'm sure he doesn't do his own laundry either," Grif growled.

"In that case, it's even more important that he polishes his shoes," Donut said.

"Shut up, Donut! I know why you want to get out of it, because I remember that time you tried to change stuff, I found you face down in a puddle wearing a pointy hat and singing a song about goblins," Grif said returning his attention back to Drake.

"Yes, all right, all right. Tonight it is," Drake hissed as he turned back, quite angry now. He stormed out of there.

--

_Later that night_

Drake was waiting for his guests to arrive along with Meladonna. He gave Johan and Omaddon their final briefing. They entered Omaddon's room.

"Right – now, let's make sure you've got this. We are having two parties here tonight, and they must be kept completely separate. Firstly, a total piss-up involving beer-throwing and wall-to-wall vomiting, to be held here in Omaddon's room," Drake instructed the pair.

"Thank you very much, Master," Omaddon beamed.

Drake headed out off the room and into the dining room across the hall.

"And secondly, Meladonna and Johan will join me in here for the gourmet turnip evening. Is the turnip surprise ready?" Drake asked.

"Yes, Master," Omaddon replied before he and Johan started to giggle sheepishly.

"Then what's so funny?" Meladonna asked puzzled.

"Well, you see, when Omaddon and I were preparing the turnip surprise, we had a surprise, for we came across a turnip that was exactly the same shape … as … a … thingy," Johan said.

He and Omaddon burst out laughing hysterically. Meladonna and Drake were not happy.

"A thingy," Meladonna hissed.

"Yes. A great big thingy. It was terrific," Omaddon said between snorts.

"Size is no guarantee of quality, Omaddon. Most horses are very well endowed, but that does not necessarily make them sensitive lovers. I trust you have removed this hilarious item?" Drake said agitated.

"Oh, yeah Drake," Omaddon replied.

"Good. Because there's nothing more likely to stop an donation then a thingy-shaped turnip," Drake hissed.

"Oh absolutely, Drake, but it was still funny," Johan said before they started to giggle again.

"I found it particularly ironic, master, because I've got a thingy that's shaped like a turnip," Omaddon said.

"What interesting fact. Perhaps you've forgotten that I'm meant to be having a drinking competition here tonight with Shade and 10 000 dollars are at stake," Drake sneered.

"Oh dear," Omaddon said, suddenly serious again.

"What do you mean?" Drake asked suspiciously.

"Well, firstly you haven't got 10 000 dollars and thirdly, one drop of beer and you fall flat on your face and start singing that song about the goblins," Omaddon said.

"That's nonsense… But just in case it's true…," Drake said.

"It's true." Meladonna, Johan and Omaddon said in monotone

"Yes, all right, it's true, it's true. So the plan is, when I call for my incredibly strong ale, you must pass me water in an ale bottle. Have you got that?" Drake said. He was beginning to lose his temper.

"Yes, when you call for ale, I pass water," Omaddon repeated.

"Good. And you two." Drake said pointed to Johan and Omaddon "your job is to stay here and suck up to both those jerks," Drake said.

"Relaxs Drake, I think you can trust me to know how to handle a woman," Johan said.

"Oh god," Drake sighed.

There was a knock on the door. Drake rushed into the corridor. Johan and Meladonna positioned Themselves at the entrance to the dining room. Drake opened the front door. On the outside were two digimon, the first look like a Gothic version of QueenChessmon with her visor greenish in color wearing a blackish torn cape. The second was Gray/purple version of Merukimon and the animal theme is more dragon than wolf

"Lord and Lady Beazoymon, greetings! How nice it is to see you," Drake cheered.

He bent over to kiss the female on the hand. She suddenly slapped Drake firmly on both cheeks.

"Wicked child, don't lie. Everyone fears us and you know it," Lady Beauzoymon roared.

"I'm Sure you remember my love Meladonna, and may I introduce my lackey Johan," Drake said as if no one slapped him.

"Well, well, well, Drake, you didn't tell me you had such a good-looking allie. Good-morrow to thee, gorgeousness. I know what I like and I like what I see," Johan said in an attempt to please Lady Beauzoymon.

"Be gone, ugly!" Lady Beauzoymon roared before she punched Johan in the face.

"Ouch! Why does this always happen to me, Hell even Omaddon didn't get hurt physically by that dmg" Johan said angrily.

Drake guided them into the dining room where a very exquisite dining table was set up.

"Yes, well. Well, I hope you had a pleasant donation. Did I say 'donation? I meant journey. If you'd just like to help yourself to a legacy, uhm, a chair…" Drake said obviously uncomfortable now.

"Chair? You have chairs in your house?" Lady Beauzoymon roared aghast.

"Uh… yes," Drake said.

"Wicked child! Chairs are for do-gooder! In our house he and I sit on thrones," Lady Beauzoymon said as she slapped Drake in the face again.

When her back was turned Meladonna went and whisper in Drake ear "Drake why can't we kill them after we get the donation or at least trick Shade to do it.

"Cause A) those two are as hard to kill than Gozermon, trust me. Second as much as I hate to say it, Shade too smart to fall for anything we say specially since he hates us terribly." Drake said noticing that Lady Beazoymon was sitting at her seat.

"I will suffer this indignity this once. I trust you remember we eat no meat?" Lady Beauzoymon asked.

"No, here we feast only on the lovely vegetable turnip, mashed," Drake said.

"Mashed?! Wicked child," Lady Beauzoymon roared as she stood up and slapped Drake in the face once more. "Mashing is the work of Fan girls and I rather rip my ears off than be consider those things! I shall have my turnip as Dark forces intended."

"Fine. Omaddon!" Drake yelled.

"Boss," Omaddon said as he came in the room and bowed deeply.

"Would you fetch Lady Beauzoymon a raw turnip, please?" Drake said.

"But we've only got the one…" Omaddon objected.

"Just do it. Thank you," Drake interrupted him.

Omaddon bowed again and left the room.

Drake turned to Lord Beazoymon who has remained silent so far.

"So Lord Beazoymon, would you have your turnip smashed or as the dark forces intended it." Drake asked

"He can't answer you, he has taken a vow of silence, so he can think of plots to torture and kill hundred, and frankly I find that silence is golden." Lady Beazoymon

An awkward silence fell in the room (Drake gave a pleading look to Meladonna to be quiet and a glare to johan that promise pain if he says one word). It was suddenly interrupted by a very loud knocking on the door.

"Drake, I trust you have invited no other guests," Lady Beauzoymon said, throwing a vicious look in his direction.

"Certainly not," Drake lied.

The knocking continued. Drake rose up.

"I'll just tell them to disapparate. Johan will look after you," Drake said before he swept out off the room.

Johan just look awkwardly at Lord Beauzoymon "So a vow of silence… whats that like?


	4. Chapter 4

Drake entered the corridor. He went to a cupboard and took out a silly hat and a pair of false breasts, which he slipped on. Then, he opened the door to Peter, Ner, Grimmjow and Oldkid also wearing silly hats and false breasts and obviously drunk as hell.

The four started singing loudly. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday flame hair Drake! Happy Birthday to you!"

Drake tried to quiet them down but failed. He ushered them into Omaddon's room.

"Well, get stuck in, boys…" Drake said.

"'Stuck in' – wahey! – geddit? It sounds a bit rude, doesn't it? 'Stuck in'," Oldkid said.

There was another knock at the door. Drake rushed out to open it.

"Ha! Shade. Late, I see, to avoid the early drinking. Oh Shadie, you really are a beginner – you're not even wearing a pair comedy breasts," Drake smirked.

"Au contraire, Drake," Shade replied as he opened his coat, revealing a much bigger pair, painted gold.

"Yes, well, let's wait till we get down to the serious drinking, shall we?" Drake sneered.

He opened the door to Omaddon's room. All four were doing a very drunkish conga line.

"Good evening," Shade said.

"Lads, this is Shade," Drake said. "Give him and me a large one" Drake said referring to a large glass of beer.

"Wahey-Large one-geddit?" Oldkid said.

"Uh, no" Ner said

"Yes you do, 'Large One' sounds a bit rude doesn't it" Oldkid said which made the Drunks laughs

."You may find the conversation a bit above your head at first, Shade, but you'll soon get used to it." Drake said as he and Shade got there drinks

Drake had just left Omaddon's room and threw the drink in the cupboard when there was an unexpected knock on the front door. He opened it impatiently, and there stood a cowled person.

"I heard there was a party on," the person said.

"Yes. There are two and you're invited to neither," Drake smirked.

"But I'm a friend of Johan," the person spoke.

"Oh, Its you Killer Rose. You were invited anyway. Come in, do. It's in here," Drake said.

He opened the door of the cupboard. The person walked in obediently and Drake slammed the door shut, sealing it with a lock. He rejoined the party in the dining-room, still wearing the breasts.

"Sorry about that," Drake said as he sat down.

Everyone in the room froze as they noticed the breasts. Meladonna coughed three times in a very unusual way.

"Sorry – she's sick. Too many hits on the head from girls who are jealous of her being my lady," Drake said.

"What she is trying to tell you is that you appear to be wearing a pair of devil's dumplings," Lady Beauzoymon hissed.

Drake looked down and flinched in shock at the sight of his own breasts.

"Oh my – my ear muffs have fallen down," Drake said as he pulled them up, covering his ears. "Would you like a pair? It's getting rather cold."

"No thank you – cold is good to keep your soul black," Lady Beauzoymon said.

Omaddon entered the room, carrying a tray with the thingy shaped turnip on it.

"Well, now, what was I saying… Oh crud," Drake breathed when he saw the dish.

"Your turnip, my lady," Omaddon said.

Johan, Meladonna and Drake had a horrified look upon their faces. Lady Beauzoymon inspected it and took the plate from the tray. Omaddon bowed and left the room.

"Very good. Very good," Lady Beauzoymon said as she started to nibble at the tip.

Suddenly the Mansion was filled with loud, drunken roar.

"What was that noise?" Lady Beauzoymon asked.

"Noise? Did you hear a noise, Johan?" Drake asked.

"No," Johan replied.

"Good," Drake said relieved.

"Apart from that colossal drunken roar," Johan continued then he scream in pain and suddenly disappeared under the table. Drake had obviously kicked him.

"Oh, _that _noise. It's the do-gooders I have trap in the dungeon. I'm afraid, I'll just go and slit there throats then. Back in a minute love," Drake said to Meladonna before he rushed out of the room.

Johan getting up decided to try to start a conversation again "Well… I can say that those heros is that they at least got a natural rhythm" he immediately shut up when he saw the glare that Lady Beauzoymon gave him.


	5. Chapter 5

When Drake entered the corridor, he heard a violent knocking coming from the cupboard. He crossed towards the cupboard, unsealed the door and opened it. The hooded figure emerged, desperately gasping for air.

"I'm suffocating!" the person said.

"Well, thank god you knocked. Come on now, take a deep breath… and another… Better?" Drake asked kindly.

"Yes," the person replied.

"Good," Drake replied before he shoved the figure back into the cupboard, sealing it again.

Drake headed back into Omaddon's room.

"I notice you're not drinking, Drake." Shade said

"Oh, don't you worry about me, Shade. I'm holding my own here. "

"Way-hey! `Holding my own'! Now that sounds incredibly rude!!" Oldkid shout, The boozers laugh.

"Er, Drake, it doesn't explain why you're not drinking with us." Shade said

"Ah yes, no, that's what I actually came to talk to you about, you see. What do you say about the idea of ten minutes absolute silence to get some really serious drinking in?" Drake said

The boozers cheer, then realize that's noisy, so they all go `shh!' rather messily.

"Yes... I said, "Please give me silence" not "drench me with dribble." Drake sneered

"Well, now, here's a nice glass of cider..." Shade said

"Oh, only cider? I'm going to go and put some brandy in it!" Drake said

The boozers cheer, then go `shh!' again, as Drake leaves.

Drake entered the dining room once more and sat down again.

"Well, how are we all doing then?" Drake asked.

"Not well. Let us discuss your donation," Lady Beauzoymon said a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Ah, yes. Good. Some water first?" Drake said.

Lady Beauzoymon jumped up from her seat and slapped Drake in the face again.

"Wicked child! We only drink exquisite liquor, appropriate for high level villain!" Lady Beauzoymon roared.

She sat back down seconds before Grimmjaw entered the room stumbling his way to the fireplace where he vomited.

"Great booze-up, Drake!" Grimmjaw roared before he left the room again.

"Do you know that man?" Lady Beauzoymon asked.

"No," Drake lied.

"He called you 'Drake'," Lady Beauzoymon said.

"Oh, 'know' him? Yes. I do," Drake said.

"Then can you explain what he meant by 'Great booze-up?" Lady Beauzoymon asked.

A long pause followed the question. The silence is terrifying.

"Yes, I can. My friend is a Bounty hunter and on his last mission abroad brought back with him the Lord of a very important family. His name is Great Boo. He's been suffering from sleeping sickness and he's obviously just woken, because as you heard, Great Boo's up," Drake explained.

"Well done, Drake," Meladonna said rather relieved that Drake came up with this well thought lie.

"And I think I'd better just go visit him," Drake said before he stood up and swept out of the room.

---

"Drake, you challenged me to a drinking competition earlier today, and I haven't seen you touch a drop," Shade said as soon as he saw Drake's face.

"Nonsense," Drake said.

"'Tis true. You twist and turn like a … twisty-turny thing," Shade said "But no more, I'm making you stay Scorpion Sting!"

Drake cover his body thinking he will be in pain but was surprised he didn't "Will you relaxs that was a warning shot telling you I won't let you leave till I see you drink with my own eyes." Shade said with a bit of a slurred.

"Wait if your target wasn't me then who was it." Drake said in confusion.

At Shade base we Chains piercing Grif. "WHAT THE HELL DID I DO!"

"Quiet Grif your ruining the happiest moment of my life." Sarge said taking pictures. Now back to Drake place

"Never mind, and very well Shade, Omaddon! Fetch my incredibly strong ale!" Drake roared.

Merely a few seconds later, Omaddon arrived with a jug and a glass.

"Good god! Is it Zaraki's Bloody Enema...?" Grimmjaw uttered.

"Pah a drink for school girls. No, It's Drake' Red Hot Liquor, a brew guaranteed to knock the backside off a concrete elephant, is it not, Omaddon?" Drake said.

"No, it's water," Omaddon said proudly.

"What?!" Shade roared.

"Ha ha ha; but seriously Omaddon, - and presuming you wish to see another dawn…," Drake hissed.

"You did call for your incredibly strong ale?" Omaddon asked doubtfully.

"Yes! That's right!" Drake said pleased.

"That's a relief. I thought I'd made a mistake," Omaddon beamed as he poured water into the glass. Being a glass and not a metal mug like all the others have, everyone can see that the liquid is water, particularly when Omaddon spills some.

"By the Halo rings, he's right! It is water!" Ner roared as he punched Omaddon out.

"Come on lads, let's give him a real drink," Grimmjaw said as he handed Drake a flagon of ale.

"Fine," Drake said all eyes turned on him.

"Bum's up!" Oldkid

"Way-hey! `Bums'! Sounds a bit like `bum', doesn't it?" Peter laughed but the others gave him a dry look "Well its funny when Oldkid does it."

"Drink, Drake. Drink!" Shade said.

Drake placed the flagon at his mouth and drained it's content. Exactly 42 seconds later, Lady Beauzoy was in the midst of smacking Johan out of boredom when the door suddenly swung open and Drake stumbled in. He's wearing a old united states helmet and looked really merry.

"Mela, I lost the bet," Drake slurred.

"Drake, explain yourself!" Lady Beauzoymon roared.

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Lady Beauzoymon... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee! ...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs," Drale said staggering unevenly on his feet as he started to sing; "See the little goblin…"

Drake dropped onto his knees, revealing a large ostrich feather sticking up from his breeches.

"I mean, explain why you are wearing a outdated war helmet, why you are grinning inanely and why you have an ostrich feather sticking out of the seat of your breeches," Lady Beauzoymon roared.

"I'm wearing a Army helmet because I'm a world war two general. I have an ostrich feather up my bottom to keep in the little pixies. And I'm grinning inanely because I think I've just about succeeded in conning you and your daft husband out of a whopping great donation," Drake said.

"Is that right? May I remind you cursed creature that your inheritance depends upon your not drinking and not gambling," Lady Beauzoymon explained. She hit Johan as Drake was out of reach.

"Oh, yes, damn. guys, the heros farts in my face one more," Drake sighed.

"Not mentioning 'farts' was also a condition," Lady Beauzoymon said.

"Shove off, you old trout," Drale sneered.

Lord and Lady Beauzoymon stood up and left the room, slamming the door.

"Good riddance, you old witch!" Drake sneered

There's a knock on the room door.

"Whoops -- she's forgotten her broomstick..."

The door opens, and Lord Beauzoymon leans in.

"Look, er..." checks to see that Lady Beauzoymon doesn't hear him "I just wanted to say thanks for a splendid evening. Yes, first rate, all round..." Lord Beauzoymon looks toward Johan "...particularly your jester."

Johan looks behind himself, confused, trying to find this jester.

"Oh, and, by the way, I loved the turnip -- very funny! 'Exactly' the same shape... as a thingy!" Lord Beauzoymon said closing the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Lady Beauzoymon stormed into the corridor and hurried to the exit but enter the Drinking room filled with the Boozer.

"Good God!!!" Lady Beauzoymon said

"Well, look who it is!!!" Oldkid said

"Who is it?" a fully drunken Shade ask.

"Well, it's a boys' party, she's a girl, so she must be the stripper!" Oldkid said

The boozers and Shade cheered.

she slammed the door shut and ran into the corridor again. She opened another door but this time, it was the cupboard she opened. The hooded person rushed out. The four boys emerged from Omaddon's room.

"Wahey! Another stripper!" Ner roared. The Drunk male cheer.

Lord Beauzoymon comes walking in the corridor.

" ...and a male stripper!

The boozers Boo's at this. Lord Beauzoymon jump into the Cupboard before the Drunks could kill him.

"Oh, yes, this is much more like it," Oldkid said as he took off the coat and cowl.

"And she's come dressed as a spartan!" Peter said.

"Oooh Kinky!" Grimmjaw said

"Do you know who I am?" Sister said, not in her usual clueless voice but in a very angry tone.

"Yes, I know who you are," Drake said as he came out of the dining room closely followed by Johan and Meladonna.

"Who?" Ner asked.

"You are... Sauron, the flamey eye guy with the fetish for rings" Drake hiccupped which made the drunk cheered but Meladonna and Johan to slap there forehead.

"Wrong, I'm afraid. I am...Sister," she hissed.

"So, whats so scary bout you." Peter

"About me, nothing but the device that allows me to use a orbital laser that can melt Titanium, you should be very afraid.

At her words. Everyone fell to their knees.

"I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman and the intelligence of a 4 year old , but I have the heart and stomach of a earth Dragon!" Sister said pissed

"Prove it," Peter said tentatively.

Sister grabbed a huge flagon and prepared to drain the full content.

"I certainly will. First I'm going to have a little drinky... and then I'm going to blast the whole lot of you to dust," Sister hissed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was dawn the next day. Everyone sat drunk in a heap around Sister's feet. Only Lady Beauzoymon was missing.

"_**See the little goblin, see his little feet. And his little nosey wose, isn't the goblin sweet?"**_Drake sang utterly pissed.

"Yes!" the whole lot roared.

"_**See the little goblin..."**_ Drake sang

"Er, wait a minute... I'm sure there was something very important I had to do to all of you this morning." Sister

Everyone -- including Queen -- giggles at the possibilities.

"I remember something about ten thousand dollars...? was it...? or...?" Shade said trying to remembered

"I think it was something about an Donation." Lord Beauzoymon said

"Look, do you lot want to hear about this goblin or not?" Drake said pissed

Everyone cheers "Yes!"

"Right, well perhaps this time I might be allowed to continue, and perhaps finish, with any luck," Drake continued.

Lady Beauzoymon suddenly appeared from underneath the chair Sister sitting on.

"Luck – wahey – geddit?" Lady Beauzoymon said,

"No…" everyone said confused

"It sounds almost like fu..."

**The End**


End file.
